Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

The sadness was still there.

Something Big Is Twisting Mercury’s Crust - Gizmodo

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

The FCC is cracking down on EchoStar’s deployment of 5G. - The Verge

I had run out of hope.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

Study shows that early humans climbed trees and worked with stone - Earth.com

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

I was tired of trying and failing.

When was the last time you had sex with someone much older than yourself?

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

Be who you already are.

Summer here, the one who debunks atheism. Isn’t it funny how atheists always say they prefer a “no-nonsense, evidence-based approach” to understanding the world, but when I bring up logical arguments for theism, they suddenly clam up?

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

An Interview With A Terminated Analyst At The Substance Abuse And Mental Health Administration - Defector

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

You are like me, then.

It’s here now, writing to you.

If Russia needs the resources to fund the war in Ukraine, why doesn’t it throw open its doors to visa free western tourism? Enough people would be interested, & it would start to get some hard currency as €, CHF, £, SEK, $, JPY in the tills at shops.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

Scientists Uncovered a 520-Million-Year-Old Fossil with Its Brain and Gut Perfectly Preserved - Indian Defence Review

I was tired of fighting.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

ESA’s Bug-Eyed Robot Telescope Just Spotted Its First Asteroid — And It Could Save the Planet - The Daily Galaxy

It’s still here.

And the sadness?